Theme Song: “You Make Me Brave”

All my life I’ve dealt with fear. I doubt I’m alone in that. Sometimes the fear is a whisper I can ignore. Sometimes it’s a little more loud and insistent. Those are the times I might make excuses to not do something that I should, or I can pray through the feeling and take the step I need to. Other times, the fear becomes paralyzing. To the point that it has shaped certain parts of my life, sad as it is to admit it.

Example:  Deep down, I crave exploration and adventure, but I’m terrified of driving unknown roads. I frequently have nightmares of becoming lost in traffic, on strange twisting overpasses as night. I’m always the one driving, and I have no idea how to get to my destination. There are probably all kinds of psychoanalyses that can be gleaned from that, but it translates into a real terror in the waking world. It has prevented me from embarking on so many explorations of writing groups, art gatherings, and other things that might enrich my life. But more importantly, how am I to broaden my mission-field from behind a closed door?

This fearfulness has come up many times during my adult life, mainly because it doesn’t just affect me. And last week it reared its head again. Not in any dramatic fashion, but in a way that caused me to feel inadequate, even in the most basic, practical things of living life. That’s when I realized how silent and pervasive and evil this spirit of fear is. At the heart of it, this spirit of fear shows me where my faith is weakest.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7

So, while I hate the fear living inside me, it also drives me to rely on God. Sometimes the fear is so near the surface that I cannot leave my house without first giving that fear to him and fiercely claiming this promise for myself. Then I climb into my car, turn on the radio, and hear songs like “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel Music:

Theme Song: “Need You Now”

I’ll probably be posting lots more personal “theme songs” as I adopt them, but I’ll start with this one, because it was one of the first, if not the first, I claimed for myself.

Plumb has been one of my favorite bands for a couple years now, ever since I heard that this Christian singer suffers from panic attacks. It’s easy to listen to Christian artists and think, “These people must have it all together, because I mean, how in tune with God do you have to be to write and sing and tour like that?” Reality check. These people are just people, too. They’re susceptible to all the flaws, mistakes, and fears that I suffer.

I watched the interview in which Plumb discusses the story behind this song and it’s so moving to hear how this lovely woman is sometimes paralyzed socially and when in High School would hide in the bathroom stall and cry out to God for help. I find it very important to hear her say that crying out “…didn’t magically make the pain go away,” but “there was a sense of hope” and that God “never grows tired of our need for him. He always shows up.” He’s always with us, wanting to give us peace, strength, courage to keep going.

That’s why this song, this desperate prayer, means so much to me.